Borg the power of persuasion. Power of persuasion

The Art of Influencing People

© James Borg, 2010

Prentice Hall LIFE

is an imprint of

Translator – Tatyana Lekareva

This translation of the book “Persuasion. The art of influencing people”, third edition, published under an agreement with Pearson Education Limited.

Preface to the Russian edition

James Borg invites readers to join a very fascinating and relevant problem - the problem of psychological influence. The high scientific level of presentation of the material and the practical orientation of his book, written in accessible language, make it extremely useful for a wide range of readers, since the issues raised in it concern not only specialists, but also all those who are interested in problems of interpersonal communication.

“Psychological influence” (psychological influence) seems to many to be something amazing, inaccessible to the common man, some kind of secret knowledge and an almost magical effect. Its targeted use is associated, first of all, with hypnotists, magicians, magicians, clergy, as well as with scammers who use hidden mechanisms of influence on the minds and souls of people for selfish purposes.

However, specialists understand psychological influence (impact) as change (as a process) and change (as its result) in the psychological factors that determine the manifestations of a person’s activity (in his ideas, thoughts, feelings, motives, state) that arise during his interaction with the outside world . The results may appear already during such interaction or immediately after its completion, or they may be delayed - in the form, for example, of a change in a person’s priorities or relationships, assessments of specific situations, or mood. This is exactly what we are talking about when we talk about the psychological influence on people’s behavior. Psychological science, including domestic science, has traditionally devoted significant attention to the study of psychological influence (impact).

Back in 1932, the outstanding domestic researcher S. G. Gellerstein noted in one of his articles that the study of “impacted” problems is the most developed branch of psychotechnics (that was the name at that time for the branch of psychology that studies the problems of practical activities of people).

Like everything incomprehensible and little-known, psychological influence attracts people’s attention, but the reality is that attention to the relevant phenomena should be determined precisely by the breadth of psychological influence both in everyday life and in the technologies of specialists in various fields of activity.

It turns out that the effects of psychological influence (impact) can occur in any interaction between people, groups, an individual and a group of people. We constantly influence others and are ourselves influenced by our interaction partners. All people, being, as psychologists put it, “subjects of the interaction process,” are involved in impactful practice. The main condition for the emergence of psychological influence is the involvement of people in the interaction process, without which, in turn, it is impossible to imagine life and society as a whole. When interacting, people influence others either voluntarily, when they strive for it, or involuntarily, without having such an intention (“... I didn’t want to offend the person, to offend him, but somehow it happened by chance”). Sometimes they do this covertly, without drawing attention to their intention to influence interaction partners, or explicitly, demonstrating their efforts and specific actions (as in an advertising brochure). Psychological effects can occur both through direct contact between interacting parties (during negotiations, public speaking) and through the use of various means of transmitting information (radio, printed materials, works of art, television). Thus, a conscious attitude towards the possibilities of psychological influence, the corresponding knowledge and skills become an important resource for a person’s success, an element of his culture.

James Borg, literally from the first pages of the book, leads the reader to the idea that knowledge about the psychological prerequisites for achieving specific impactful results (for example, about the patterns of attracting or distracting attention, encouraging specific actions) is a resource for the effectiveness of a person interacting with others both in everyday life and and in business situations. Indeed, a person knowledgeable in these matters is able to understand when he becomes an object of influence: for example, his partner seeks to arouse favorable feelings in others, tries to distort information, etc. Elementary skills of psychologically expedient interaction will allow one to avoid annoying miscalculations that could affect success of business meeting.

James Borg, for example, convincingly shows how the lack of memory skills to hold multiple names in mind can contribute to the formation of unfavorable perceptions of untrained specialists among partners and lead to non-cooperation. In this case, the “forgetful” person involuntarily exerts a psychological effect without even suspecting it.

Unlike many other authors, James Borg introduces readers to the techniques of psychological influence, while remaining on a humanistic position. He does not call for manipulating people for personal gain. That is why the title of his book contains the word “conviction” - an influence on a person’s mind and feelings, addressed to his consciousness, critical understanding of the situation. The psychological patterns discussed in James Borg's book make it possible to achieve persuasion more effectively.

The author managed to present very complex material in an entertaining way, with humor, without tedious scientificism. Many recognizable examples of business and everyday communication, as well as humorous tests, help the reader to better master the material.

James Borg considers one of the elements of his formula for effective persuasion to be trust between interacting subjects as the main psychological condition for solving communication problems. Naturally, trust should also accompany readers’ acquaintance with a branch of scientific knowledge little known to them. Confidence in the author's position can be based on the authority of outstanding psychologists, one of whom is Carl Jung. James Borg's recommendations for effective communication are based on their theories and research.

Borg's book is interesting, instructive, and scientifically correct. It is able to broaden the horizons of readers, equip them with knowledge that is useful and in demand in business and personal life.

T. S. Kabachenko,

Doctor of Psychology, Professor, Faculty of Psychology, Moscow State University. M. V. Lomonosova

Preface

Sir John Harvey-Jones, MBE (Member of the Order of the British Empire)

In a world of constant information barriers, open communication is becoming increasingly important, and this is probably why it is becoming increasingly difficult to achieve it. True communication involves trust, honesty and directness.

This book will tell you how to develop and use the ability to communicate openly. This book should be on everyone's bookshelf.

Sir John Harvey-Jones(1924–2008) - the most famous and respected British businessman. His achievements as chairman of ICI were truly legendary. Under his leadership, a giant organization that had losses of £200 million was able to turn into a company with multi-billion-dollar profits in just 2.5 years.

Within three years he was a winner of the Captains of British Industry Award, the star of the TV show Troubleshooter (1990–2000), the author of several books, including the first-rate bestseller How to Get What You Want, and one one of the most sought-after business specialists.

From the publisher

We express our gratitude for the right to use the following materials:

"With One Look" from the musical Sunset Boulevard. Words by Don Black and Christopher Hempton, with contributions from Amy Powers. Music by Andrew Lloyd Webber. © Copyright 1993 The Really Useful Group Ltd. All rights reserved. International Copytight Secured;

lyrics from the song "If You Could Read My Mind" by Gordon Lightfoot, © 1969, 1970 (Copyright Renewed) by Early Morning Music, a division of EMP LTD. All Rights Reserved. Used by permission of Alfred Publishing Co., Inc., Early Morning Productions Ltd and Mushroom Music Publishing;

lyrics from "I Remember It Well" (from Gigi) by Alan Jay Lerner, music by Frederick Loewy © 1957, 1958 (Copyright Renewed) Chappell&Co., Inc. All Rights Reserved. Used by permission of Alfred Publishing Co., Inc. and Warner Chappell Music Limited;

text from "Commons Sketch: Under pressure, Chancellor clunking fist almost flunked" by Andrew Jimson, April 18, 2007, The Daily Telegraph. © Telegraph Media Group Limited.

In some cases, we were unable to find the copyright holders of certain materials and would be grateful for any information that could help us find the copyright holders.

From the author

Thanks to Laura, Emma, ​​Lucy, Kirsty and Kat. I also thank all the “ladies” from the international rights department who organized the work of translating this book in all four corners of the world. Thanks also to Eileen for her help and observation. (Where did the men go? Did they die out or something?!)

Special thanks to J.K. Rowling, who reminded us all (through her Harry Potter) how important magic is in our lives. Magic may not make any sense to our logic, but it is extremely important to creativity and our intuition, which operate by completely different rules. Magic confirms our subconscious belief in “another reality.”

Unleash the endless source of magic within you.

Introduction

The ability to persuade is perhaps the most important means of achieving success in both work and life. We all know people who are able, in any situation, to persuade others to agree with them, accept their ideas, or do exactly what they want. For some people, all this is a mere trifle, so skillfully and almost effortlessly do they use the skills of persuasion.

However, I want to make everyone else happy - the art of persuasion can be mastered. Our book is just about this.

In every area of ​​life, almost every day you try to convince people to accept your point of view. It starts in childhood, and as you get older, only the scale of your goals changes. I became interested in the power of persuasion in my youth, when I became interested in the psychology of magic (especially mind reading) and became one of the youngest members of the Magic Circle. Magicians and sorcerers are the ones who have mastered the art of persuasion to perfection. When psychologists began to study such a broad topic as persuasion, and realized that each of us practices this art (every day of our lives), they came to an interesting conclusion: of all the tasks in the field of persuasion, the task of magicians is the most difficult. Why? Because they have to "convince" the audience (one person or many people) to put aside doubts And believe, that a miracle happened before their eyes (when, for example, spectators discover the card they have chosen, or see how this or that object disappears or appears, or witness the reading of thoughts).

Psychologists noted that first of all, magicians must take possession of attention audience (whether it's one person or hundreds of people) and then retain it. They use the "correct" ones words, attentively listen to volunteers, showing due respect and forcing them remember what they need (usually through suggestion). At the same time, they instantly determine who they are dealing with, enter into full contact with him, flavor everything that happens with humor, “scan” the volunteer, accompanying their actions with appropriate plasticity, encourage the public to talk to them, giving them the opportunity to feel at ease. All this has one goal - to convince people to leave doubts (that is, open up). A great demonstration of communication skills in practice! But, as in everyday life, those who achieve the greatest success are those who effectively use these skills and master the art of persuasion.

They say that life is like a game of cards. Voltaire wrote: “Every player is forced to accept the cards that life deals; then only he decides how to play those cards to win.” In other words, the cards you hold are a constant; and how you play depends on your free will. So, clearly understanding what result you would like to get in each game is the first step towards achieving your goal.

Subsequently, when I worked in business for many years, my interest in this became even greater. I became increasingly aware of the enormous advantage that lies in the ability to come to a common opinion with the interlocutor. Every day, both at work and, of course, in private life, you communicate with people who need to understand your point of view, and in this either you must help them, or they must help you. In the same way, you need to reflect on their opinion. We simply cannot do without the ability to win others over to our side and “read” their thoughts. So, the power of persuasion is that little “magic wand” that you really want to always have on hand to make your life more balanced. The following definition can be given: persuasion is any information that influences a person’s opinion, attitude and behavior.

This book is based on my many years of experience in advertising, sales, marketing, journalism, psychology, and teaching—every word of it is backed by research in behavioral and social psychology. The book will tell you how to present yourself and your thoughts correctly, to “read” others more successfully, which, in turn, will allow you to look more convincing in the eyes of others and achieve their favor.

This will help you better understand your own emotions and reveal the “sixth sense” that is still dormant inside you. Leonardo da Vinci astutely noted that a person usually “looks but does not see, listens but does not hear, touches but does not feel, eats but does not taste, moves without being physically aware of it, inhales without recognizing either smell or aroma, and speaks without thinking.” Is this a fair assessment of most members of the human race (and maybe you too!)? What distinguishes master persuaders from other people? Only that they have the ability to understand what is going on in another person's head.

What is the purpose of this book? Like the two previous ones from this trilogy: inform, educate and entertain.

It is important to note that the “belief” discussed in this book is entirely positive in nature. It works for your benefit—and for the benefit of the people you interact with. You won't be successful every time, but by honing these skills and getting to know yourself, you will greatly increase your chances of success and improve your relationships with people. Research shows that in both professional and personal life, it is the ability to persuade that distinguishes successful people from everyone else.

So this book is about personal conviction. And it can be called the beginning of the most successful communication. Life is about interacting with people on an individual level.

This book is completely different from most books on a similar topic. Some of the principles may already be familiar to you, but you haven't considered them in a "real life" context.

By the end of the book, I hope you will come to the conclusion that it is you (as an individual) who have become a master of persuasion, and the methods you use simply help you with this. It's not about what you do, it's about who you are. You are persuasive because of the way you apply basic skills and different behaviors. You will read about them in the following chapters - in your life. The main thing is self-awareness.

As my economics professor said, quoting J.C. Galbraith: “There are only two categories in the world: Those who don’t know. And those who don’t know what they don’t know.”

This book is for both!

James Borg

Chapter 1. The power of persuasion. What miracles empathy and sincerity can do

Have you ever noticed that “what the hell?!” – usually the best solution?

Marilyn Monroe

A drop of intuition is more important than a whole waterfall of knowledge.

So what is this book about? Years ago, when playwright Tom Stoppard was asked what his first play was about, he replied, “It was about making me very rich.”

This book can be very helpful in achieving exactly this goal. It is about communication, which improves your ability to persuade others and leads you to your goals in work and personal life.

Inspector Clouseau (to a hotel employee).

Does your dog bite?

Hotel employee.

Inspector Clouseau (to the dog).

Nice dog.

The dog bites Clouseau.

Inspector Clouseau.

Aaaaaaaay... And you said she doesn’t bite!

Hotel employee.

This is not my dog.

Peter Sellers as Inspector Clouseau, The Pink Panther.

At work and at home, each of us tries to convey our opinion to others or gain someone's approval of our own actions. This happens almost daily. For various reasons, we need to win people over to our side. Agreement can be reached through communication. The better you are at this, the more likely you are to succeed in persuading others.

The art of persuasion according to Aristotle

Since universal human values ​​have not changed for centuries, it can be argued that the foundations of successful communication were formulated by Aristotle, a philosopher who lived more than 2,300 years ago. His theory about the ability to persuade is one of the most significant. He considered this skill an art.

He called conviction “the art of getting people to do things they would never normally do if you didn’t ask them to.”

Aristotle came to the conclusion that people, as social beings, are simply called upon to convince their neighbors everywhere, everywhere and always. In any persuasion situation, they strive to achieve a goal by moving the listeners' point of view from the starting point, let's call it the point A, to point B(your aim). Aristotle called this change of point of view “conviction.” In point A the person or audience rejects and is not interested in your ideas or suggestions. Therefore, the audience needs to understand what you are trying to convey to them, but most importantly, they need to believe it.

Aristotle proved that any speech whose purpose is to persuade, regardless of the size of the audience - one person or hundreds, should be entertaining, stimulating, expressive, etc., but not edifying. Its sole purpose is to move the audience's point of view to a point B.

Aristotle talked about three different ingredients that successful speakers typically use to be persuasive:

ethos (ethos);

pathos (emotions);

logos (logic).

It is the combination of these components that gives the best result and moves people's point of view from point A to point B.

Ethos refers to the speaker's character as revealed through communication. The ideas he presents must be plausible, credible—something that exists solely in the mind of the listener. The credibility of the speaker depends directly on him as a person and his sincerity.

Patos refers to the emotions felt by the audience. Aristotle noted that only speech that arouses emotions can convince listeners. You simply need to appeal to your audience's feelings and gain empathy.

Logos refers to the specific words spoken by the speaker. In Aristotle's understanding, in order to impose your point of view on the audience, you need to pay great attention to the choice of words, examples, quotes and facts.

Take a look at how you express your point of view or present your arguments. Are you using all three elements? Watch other people how they use them. When communicating with others, pay attention to which element dominates in their speech (for example, there is a lot of emotion), and try to adapt.

For Aristotle, logic was the most important element, compared to morality and emotions, which he assigned a secondary role. Today, ethos rightfully takes first place. Think about how important the issue of trust is for politicians and how we stop trusting them if they deceived us or did not keep their promises. Then all their emotions (pathos) and words (logos) lose their meaning. Of course, the matter is not limited to politics; this also applies to our daily communication.

Assuming that trust is achieved from the very beginning (ethos), Aristotle says that in trying to reach another person one should combine logic And emotions.

There are two paths to conviction: the subconscious and the conscious. As you understand, logic refers mainly to consciousness. A person concentrates on the facts and evaluates the situation on an intellectual level before making a rational decision: in other words, he must decide whether you have convinced him or not. Think of people you know who place great importance on analyzing the facts before taking the next steps.

Dominant in other people subconscious. They evaluate information based on their emotional perception of the situation and intuition. If they favor the person and have satisfied the "ethos" (trust), they will make a decision based on that feeling. Then they will try reinforce your decision after analyzing the facts. (But in a world overloaded with information, sometimes analysis simply paralyzes us - there are too many facts, and this forces us to postpone making a decision.) If the facts offered are satisfactory, then the person can be convinced.

Research shows that it is the subconscious (or emotional) element that is main reason for making a decision. So, although we are rational creatures, instincts and intuition push us to one decision or another.

However, logic still has an important place as we "justify" a decision using a logical element; mainly because feelings are fleeting- they appear and disappear, as, for example, in matters of the heart! (When we discuss personality “types” in Chapter 10, you will get an idea of ​​the optimal balance to strike in certain situations.)

Empathy

The conclusions of the great philosopher, made more than two thousand years ago, are still relevant today. Aristotle's pathos - the ability to understand the true feelings of the people with whom you deal, or empathy (the term we are more familiar with) - is the basis of most successful relationships.

Here is a definition of this concept, as it underlies successful communication:

“Empathy is the ability to recognize and understand other people’s feelings, their ideas and the situation in which they find themselves.”

This is the ability to listen not only with the mind, but also with the heart. This is the ability to read the emotions of others. This is the ability to feel another. And, accordingly, this is the next and most significant stage of perception and reading of thoughts.

From an emotional point of view, even if you have no experience in such things, you can still empathize with the feelings of another and know what emotions they are experiencing. This encourages us to achieve results in which both parties receive a charge of positive emotions. This is a kind of participation.

The skillful use of empathy plays a key role in all areas of life. It is necessary for politicians, parents, and if you are trying to achieve success with the opposite sex, you cannot do without it.

Some people are naturally gifted with this. They successfully use this gift and can always predict a person’s reaction to a given situation. They simply put themselves in the other person’s shoes, so they know what to say and how to say it. They try to read the minds of the people they deal with.

If you look at the behavior and mindset of most of the most successful people in any field, it becomes clear that they understand the importance of empathy. It does not allow any falsehood. People will immediately feel how sincere you are. When they see your wish feel what they feel They(understand what it’s like to be in their place), mutual understanding will arise. This, of course, increases the chances that they will accept your ideas and suggestions.

To be fair, we note that in modern society people are almost always trying to convince you to do something or believe something, while pursuing own goals—without caring about others—so that when we encounter those who truly empathize with us, we cannot resist.

Remember the people with whom you enjoy communicating, whom you like, whom you admire. They likely have a tremendous capacity for empathy—something you probably haven't thought about before.

Sincerity

Aristotle's ethos or "credibility of the source" of the speaker, as noted earlier, directly relates to the sincerity of the individual. If you're going to create empathy, you need sincerity. But just being sincere is not enough. Ultimately, empathy is based on trust. The first crisis that usually happens in any relationship occurs when one can no longer trust the other. Everything a person does either contributes to the development of trust in any relationship, or it does not. Trust is not something static; it is constantly changing.

So, trust exists in relationships between people, but not in themselves. Some people are very trusting in themselves, others are trustworthy. The most important thing is the emergence of a feeling of trust in another - this is a key psychological point that we usually do not pay due attention to.

Some people seem to radiate genuine sincerity without any effort, and therefore have a higher level of trust. When you demonstrate genuine sincerity, you truly care about someone, be it a friend, relative, co-worker, client, and thereby achieve much more. The conversation can be conducted in different ways. The more interest your interlocutor shows in your questions, the more he tells you. This helps steer the discussion in the direction you want. Some trust has already been established (but remember, trust only exists in relationships, not in anyone in particular). Instilling trust is the key to successful development of relationships.

The more you are attracted to another, the more likely you are to have their thoughts, ideas, and feelings revealed to you. And this is a feedback relationship, because the more trust you achieve in response to this self-disclosure, the more personal and profound the thoughts that will be shared with you will be. In most cases, this is exactly what happens in business and in private life.

Behavioral research in recent years has identified two qualities that positively influence the communication process, and therefore personal success in persuasion. These qualities are empathy and sincerity.

Recently, a lot of research has been conducted and a sufficient number of materials have been published on the concept of “emotional intelligence” as a predictor of success. She brings these qualities to the forefront. And this is 2300 years after the works of Aristotle were written!

It is important to note that learning or improving communication skills without empathy and sincerity will not bring results in the long run. There are two types of intelligence:

interpersonal intelligence: understanding other people - their feelings, preferences, motivations for their actions. A person with such abilities can always predict how others will act and, therefore, interact fruitfully with them and be very persuasive. Look around - all successful politicians, salesmen, psychotherapists and people with highly developed social skills have this kind of intelligence;

individual intelligence: the ability to deeply penetrate our own thought processes, feelings and emotions, understanding the causes and results of our actions, which, in turn, allow us to make the right decision.

These qualities allow you to see the thoughts of other people and find the right tone in communicating with them.

Communication depends on our attitude, so being able to use different skills is not enough.

The techniques outlined in this book, no matter how they help develop good relationships and exercise effective influence, will not work in the absence of the most important and admirable qualities - empathy and sincerity. So, to put it very briefly:

Empathy + sincerity and persuasion.

They are like the building blocks for successful persuasion.

In the understanding of some people, the term “belief” has a certain threatening, aggressive connotation. But we will only talk about the art of benevolent persuasion - techniques that give the desired result for both parties. We all hate to feel manipulated. But our book is about something else. She talks about ways of interaction that will contribute to obtaining a result that suits everyone.

We begin by addressing issues related to listening, which is an essential complement to empathy as the foundation of interpersonal (or emotional) intelligence and communication. It is perhaps the most essential to managing successful relationships.

The process of effective listening is essential to our existence. Psychologist and communication expert Carl Rogers said this very succinctly:

“A person’s ability to establish relationships is the result of his ability to listen carefully and understand his interlocutor well.”

16.08.2017

The book “The Power of Persuasion” in a summary. Summary. Book review.

practicing psychologist and business consultant. Expert in Persuasion. James Borg describes the power of persuasion in his book, using many examples and using his boundless sense of humor

The power of persuasion: empathy and sincerity.

Belief (definition according to Aristotle) – the art of getting people to do things they would never normally do if you didn’t ask them to. Aristotle came to the conclusion that people, as social beings, are simply called upon to convince their neighbors everywhere, everywhere and always.
In any persuasion situation, they seek to achieve a goal by moving the listeners' point of view from a starting point, call it point A, to point B (your goal).

Empathy – the ability to recognize and understand other people’s feelings, their ideas and the situation in which they find themselves.

Empathy and sincerity - these are two qualities that have a positive impact on the communication process, and, consequently, on personal success in persuading people.

How to become a good listener

Successful persuasion begins with the ability to hear your interlocutor, but there is more to listening than just remaining silent.

Hear is a sensory activity. The physiological process in which our auditory sensors transmit information to the brain, through the ears.

Listen is a process of interpretation and understanding. It means realizing the meaning of what we heard - that is, it is a psychological process.

The main obstacle to effective listening is that we think much faster than we speak.

Tests showed the following:

We speak at a speed of 120 to 150 words per minute.
We think at a speed of 600 to 800 words per minute.

Conclusion: Since a person can think four to five times faster than he can pronounce words, he tends to think not only about what is being said, but also about other things, as a rule, completely unrelated.

Rules for being a good listener

Never interrupt your interlocutor. Since thoughts are formulated faster than words, there is a great temptation to interrupt the speaker. By doing this, you are either listening, or trying to divert the other person's line of reasoning (in favor of your own), or you are one of those many who prefer to talk than to listen.

Don't finish sentences for others. Speaking during pauses in the speaker's speech may show that you are actually listening and thus responding to his thoughts, that you are paying attention, but it can also hurt your interlocutor's ego. You may get the impression that you are trying to question the originality of his thoughts and pretend to present them as your own. There is also another problem - anticipating events: you can easily assume the wrong ending.

Do not interrupt your interlocutor. The advice is simple: whether you are listening to someone or want someone to listen to you carefully, always try to make sure that nothing interferes with productive listening.

Do not give hasty advice. Rushing advice often creates a problem when you are eager to help someone, be it a friend, colleague or someone in the business environment. You want to offer help and support, so you jump into the conversation right away

Paraphrasing. The ability to paraphrase is powerful because it allows the speaker to look at his own ideas (and feelings) from other people's perspectives. When you paraphrase, you are not adding anything, but simply sending back the message you received. The listener actually shows the speaker how he interpreted what he said by conveying it in his own words.

How to keep your attention

The ability to hold an audience's attention or interest is arguably the basis for the success of any conversation or meeting.

Methods of maintaining attention

Change your location if possible. Being on your own turf where a landscape of endless to-dos unfolds is distracting and simply unfair to the other person.

Avoid interruptions. Most positive decisions are made on an emotional level, so it is imperative to secure consent at a time when emotions are on the rise. Try not to interrupt your discussions or presentations by looking away from the other person. You thereby encourage others to “distract themselves from you.” Have all necessary documents at hand.

Say what you are going to say. First, you tell your audience what you are going to talk about. If this subject is interesting, then you maintain this interest in people. Then briefly repeat what you have already said.

Since people only perceive about 40% of what they hear, this formula increases your chances of being heard.

Body language

About 45% of our impact during any communication is provided by the verbal and non-verbal aspects of speech; the remaining 55% is provided by non-verbal “body language”.

In a business setting, people tend to put on masks and play different roles, often hiding their true feelings.

Therefore, nonverbal behavior outside of business and outside the workplace (work) is much easier to “read” than that which usually manifests itself in a business setting.

Communication is divided into the following components:

55% – body language;
38% – non-verbal aspects of speech;
7% – verbal means.

Body Language Gestures Gestures can generally be broken down into five categories:

Symbols: movements that replace words.
Illustrators: movements used in conjunction with speech.
Regulators: movements related to what we say or listen to, expressing our intentions.
Adapters: movements such as drumming your fingers, fiddling with your hair, or twirling things in your hands
trinkets that express our emotions.
Emotion display: cues that reveal feelings, such as facial expressions.

The power of psycholinguistics. How to say the right words at the right time

Psycholinguistics is a branch of psychology that studies verbal relationships and the impact of certain words on our minds and emotions.

People sense, interpret and then feel. Thus, we are able to control what we feel by changing our interpretations; we interpret words according to a certain method. So, changing the word in a certain case leads to a different interpretation, and therefore a different feeling.

Mutually beneficial negotiations

Negotiation skills are a valuable asset and are often the final stage in the persuasion process.

Negotiations consist of two opposing elements:
- a competing element, whose role increases as much as we want to improve our own results;
- an element of cooperation, the role of which is extremely important for reaching an agreement.

Psychology of negotiations

1. The psychology of positional negotiations often looks something like this:
2. You make a proposal that is perhaps to some extent extreme.
3. Then you gradually make very small concessions just to keep the negotiation process going.
4. The other side does the same.
5. Reaching an agreement is difficult and the whole process is delayed.
6. It becomes increasingly difficult to change your original position as you persist in trying to justify it to the other party.
7. There is a battle of wills between the two sides.
8. As you constantly defend your position, your stubbornness increases: it now becomes a matter of your ego.
9. You become increasingly focused on the position you have taken and your concentration on your original interests fades into the background.

Belief is a powerful force. Every day we become more and more dependent on the ability to persuade others. Whatever the task before us - to gain consent, to achieve a decision, to change someone's attitude - success depends on the strength of our conviction. Self-esteem and assessment of the situation play a big role in this: internal awareness - about ourselves, and external awareness - about what is happening around us. According to James Borg, almost every one of us can develop persuasion skills. His insightful book, written with a good sense of humor, replete with vivid examples and entertaining tests, will provide invaluable assistance in this. Step by step, the author reveals the secrets of effective communication with the outside world, not only in business, but also in personal life. The book is intended for a wide audience.

A series: Practical skills for business

* * *

by liters company.

Chapter 1. The power of persuasion. What miracles empathy and sincerity can do

Have you ever noticed that “what the hell?!” – usually the best solution?

Marilyn Monroe

A drop of intuition is more important than a whole waterfall of knowledge.

Anonymous

So what is this book about? Years ago, when playwright Tom Stoppard was asked what his first play was about, he replied, “It was about making me very rich.”

This book can be very helpful in achieving exactly this goal. It is about communication, which improves your ability to persuade others and leads you to your goals in work and personal life.

Inspector Clouseau (to a hotel employee).

Does your dog bite?

Hotel employee.

Inspector Clouseau (to the dog).

Nice dog.

The dog bites Clouseau.

Inspector Clouseau.

Aaaaaaaay... And you said she doesn’t bite!

Hotel employee.

This is not my dog.

Peter Sellers as Inspector Clouseau, The Pink Panther.

At work and at home, each of us tries to convey our opinion to others or gain someone's approval of our own actions. This happens almost daily. For various reasons, we need to win people over to our side. Agreement can be reached through communication. The better you are at this, the more likely you are to succeed in persuading others.

The art of persuasion according to Aristotle

Since universal human values ​​have not changed for centuries, it can be argued that the foundations of successful communication were formulated by Aristotle, a philosopher who lived more than 2,300 years ago. His theory about the ability to persuade is one of the most significant. He considered this skill an art.

He called conviction “the art of getting people to do things they would never normally do if you didn’t ask them to.”

Aristotle came to the conclusion that people, as social beings, are simply called upon to convince their neighbors everywhere, everywhere and always. In any persuasion situation, they strive to achieve a goal by moving the listeners' point of view from the starting point, let's call it the point A, to point B(your aim). Aristotle called this change of point of view “conviction.” In point A the person or audience rejects and is not interested in your ideas or suggestions. Therefore, the audience needs to understand what you are trying to convey to them, but most importantly, they need to believe it.

Aristotle proved that any speech whose purpose is to persuade, regardless of the size of the audience - one person or hundreds, should be entertaining, stimulating, expressive, etc., but not edifying. Its sole purpose is to move the audience's point of view to a point B.

Aristotle talked about three different ingredients that successful speakers typically use to be persuasive:

ethos (ethos);

pathos (emotions);

logos (logic).

It is the combination of these components that gives the best result and moves people's point of view from point A to point B.

Ethos refers to the speaker's character as revealed through communication. The ideas he presents must be plausible, credible—something that exists solely in the mind of the listener. The credibility of the speaker depends directly on him as a person and his sincerity.

Patos refers to the emotions felt by the audience. Aristotle noted that only speech that arouses emotions can convince listeners. You simply need to appeal to your audience's feelings and gain empathy.

Logos refers to the specific words spoken by the speaker. In Aristotle's understanding, in order to impose your point of view on the audience, you need to pay great attention to the choice of words, examples, quotes and facts.

Take a look at how you express your point of view or present your arguments. Are you using all three elements? Watch other people how they use them. When communicating with others, pay attention to which element dominates in their speech (for example, there is a lot of emotion), and try to adapt.

For Aristotle, logic was the most important element, compared to morality and emotions, which he assigned a secondary role. Today, ethos rightfully takes first place. Think about how important the issue of trust is for politicians and how we stop trusting them if they deceived us or did not keep their promises. Then all their emotions (pathos) and words (logos) lose their meaning. Of course, the matter is not limited to politics; this also applies to our daily communication.

Assuming that trust is achieved from the very beginning (ethos), Aristotle says that in trying to reach another person one should combine logic And emotions.

There are two paths to conviction: the subconscious and the conscious. As you understand, logic refers mainly to consciousness. A person concentrates on the facts and evaluates the situation on an intellectual level before making a rational decision: in other words, he must decide whether you have convinced him or not. Think of people you know who place great importance on analyzing the facts before taking the next steps.

Dominant in other people subconscious. They evaluate information based on their emotional perception of the situation and intuition. If they favor the person and have satisfied the "ethos" (trust), they will make a decision based on that feeling. Then they will try reinforce your decision after analyzing the facts. (But in a world overloaded with information, sometimes analysis simply paralyzes us - there are too many facts, and this forces us to postpone making a decision.) If the facts offered are satisfactory, then the person can be convinced.

Research shows that it is the subconscious (or emotional) element that is main reason for making a decision. So, although we are rational creatures, instincts and intuition push us to one decision or another.

However, logic still has an important place as we "justify" a decision using a logical element; mainly because feelings are fleeting- they appear and disappear, as, for example, in matters of the heart! (When we discuss personality “types” in Chapter 10, you will get an idea of ​​the optimal balance to strike in certain situations.)

Empathy

The conclusions of the great philosopher, made more than two thousand years ago, are still relevant today. Aristotle's pathos - the ability to understand the true feelings of the people with whom you deal, or empathy (the term we are more familiar with) - is the basis of most successful relationships.

Here is a definition of this concept, as it underlies successful communication:

“Empathy is the ability to recognize and understand other people’s feelings, their ideas and the situation in which they find themselves.”

This is the ability to listen not only with the mind, but also with the heart. This is the ability to read the emotions of others. This is the ability to feel another. And, accordingly, this is the next and most significant stage of perception and reading of thoughts.

From an emotional point of view, even if you have no experience in such things, you can still empathize with the feelings of another and know what emotions they are experiencing. This encourages us to achieve results in which both parties receive a charge of positive emotions. This is a kind of participation.

The skillful use of empathy plays a key role in all areas of life. It is necessary for politicians, parents, and if you are trying to achieve success with the opposite sex, you cannot do without it.

Some people are naturally gifted with this. They successfully use this gift and can always predict a person’s reaction to a given situation. They simply put themselves in the other person’s shoes, so they know what to say and how to say it. They try to read the minds of the people they deal with.

If you look at the behavior and mindset of most of the most successful people in any field, it becomes clear that they understand the importance of empathy. It does not allow any falsehood. People will immediately feel how sincere you are. When they see your wish feel what they feel They(understand what it’s like to be in their place), mutual understanding will arise. This, of course, increases the chances that they will accept your ideas and suggestions.

To be fair, we note that in modern society people are almost always trying to convince you to do something or believe something, while pursuing own goals—without caring about others—so that when we encounter those who truly empathize with us, we cannot resist.

Remember the people with whom you enjoy communicating, whom you like, whom you admire. They likely have a tremendous capacity for empathy—something you probably haven't thought about before.

Sincerity

Aristotle's ethos or "credibility of the source" of the speaker, as noted earlier, directly relates to the sincerity of the individual. If you're going to create empathy, you need sincerity. But just being sincere is not enough. Ultimately, empathy is based on trust. The first crisis that usually happens in any relationship occurs when one can no longer trust the other. Everything a person does either contributes to the development of trust in any relationship, or it does not. Trust is not something static; it is constantly changing.

So, trust exists in relationships between people, but not in themselves. Some people are very trusting in themselves, others are trustworthy. The most important thing is the emergence of a feeling of trust in another - this is a key psychological point that we usually do not pay due attention to.

Some people seem to radiate genuine sincerity without any effort, and therefore have a higher level of trust. When you demonstrate genuine sincerity, you truly care about someone, be it a friend, relative, co-worker, client, and thereby achieve much more. The conversation can be conducted in different ways. The more interest your interlocutor shows in your questions, the more he tells you. This helps steer the discussion in the direction you want. Some trust has already been established (but remember, trust only exists in relationships, not in anyone in particular). Instilling trust is the key to successful development of relationships.

The more you are attracted to another, the more likely you are to have their thoughts, ideas, and feelings revealed to you. And this is a feedback relationship, because the more trust you achieve in response to this self-disclosure, the more personal and profound the thoughts that will be shared with you will be. In most cases, this is exactly what happens in business and in private life.

Behavioral research in recent years has identified two qualities that positively influence the communication process, and therefore personal success in persuasion. These qualities are empathy and sincerity.

Recently, a lot of research has been conducted and a sufficient number of materials have been published on the concept of “emotional intelligence” as a predictor of success. She brings these qualities to the forefront. And this is 2300 years after the works of Aristotle were written!

It is important to note that learning or improving communication skills without empathy and sincerity will not bring results in the long run. There are two types of intelligence:

interpersonal intelligence: understanding other people - their feelings, preferences, motivations for their actions. A person with such abilities can always predict how others will act and, therefore, interact fruitfully with them and be very persuasive. Look around - all successful politicians, salesmen, psychotherapists and people with highly developed social skills have this kind of intelligence;

individual intelligence: the ability to deeply penetrate our own thought processes, feelings and emotions, understanding the causes and results of our actions, which, in turn, allow us to make the right decision.

These qualities allow you to see the thoughts of other people and find the right tone in communicating with them.

Communication depends on our attitude, so being able to use different skills is not enough.

The techniques outlined in this book, no matter how they help develop good relationships and exercise effective influence, will not work in the absence of the most important and admirable qualities - empathy and sincerity. So, to put it very briefly:

Empathy + sincerity and persuasion.

They are like the building blocks for successful persuasion.

In the understanding of some people, the term “belief” has a certain threatening, aggressive connotation. But we will only talk about the art of benevolent persuasion - techniques that give the desired result for both parties. We all hate to feel manipulated. But our book is about something else. She talks about ways of interaction that will contribute to obtaining a result that suits everyone.

We begin by addressing issues related to listening, which is an essential complement to empathy as the foundation of interpersonal (or emotional) intelligence and communication. It is perhaps the most essential to managing successful relationships.

The process of effective listening is essential to our existence. Psychologist and communication expert Carl Rogers said this very succinctly:

“A person’s ability to establish relationships is the result of his ability to listen carefully and understand his interlocutor well.”

* * *

The given introductory fragment of the book Power of persuasion. The Art of Influencing People (James Borg, 2010) provided by our book partner -

James Borg
Publisher: Pretext
Genre: Self-improvement, personal growth, achieving success
Format: EPUB, FB2, MOBI
Quality: Originally electronic (ebook)
Illustrations: Black and white

Description:
Belief is a powerful force. Every day we become more and more dependent on the ability to persuade others. Whatever the task before us - to gain consent, to achieve a decision, to change someone's attitude - success depends on the strength of our conviction. Self-esteem and assessment of the situation play a big role in this: internal awareness - about ourselves, and external awareness - about what is happening around us.

According to James Borg, almost every one of us can develop persuasion skills. His insightful book, written with a good sense of humor, replete with vivid examples and entertaining tests, will provide invaluable assistance in this. Step by step, the author reveals the secrets of effective communication with the outside world, not only in business, but also in personal life.

Audiobook: James Borg | Power of persuasion. The art of influencing people

Preface to the Russian edition
Preface
From the publisher
From the author
Introduction
Chapter 1. The power of persuasion. What miracles empathy and sincerity can do
Chapter 2. How to become a good listener. Why is it important to listen
Chapter 3. Just a moment. How to keep attention if you want
Chapter 4: Watch your body language. How to correctly decipher the signals of others and send your own
Chapter 5. The magic of memory. How to remember and simple tips to improve memory
Chapter 6. Let words work for you - the power of psycholinguistics. How to say the right words at the right time
Chapter 7. Telephone telepathy. How to use your phone effectively and gain better insight into the situation
Chapter 8. Mutually beneficial negotiations. How to use psychology to achieve the best results
Chapter 9. “Difficult” people (and their behavior). Who are they?
Chapter 10. Personal spectrum. How to successfully identify types and interact with them
Application

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Name:	James Borg | Power of persuasion. The Art of Influencing People (2013)
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May 27, 2017

Power of persuasion. The art of influencing people James Borg

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Title: The Power of Persuasion. The art of influencing people
Author: James Borg
Year: 2010
Genre: Foreign business literature, Foreign psychology, Personal growth, Social psychology, Management, personnel selection

About the book “The Power of Persuasion. The art of influencing people" James Borg

Belief is a powerful force. Every day we become more and more dependent on the ability to persuade others. Whatever the task before us - to gain consent, to achieve a decision, to change someone's attitude - success depends on the strength of our conviction. Self-esteem and assessment of the situation play a big role in this: internal awareness - about ourselves, and external awareness - about what is happening around us.

According to James Borg, almost every one of us can develop persuasion skills. His insightful book, written with a good sense of humor, replete with vivid examples and entertaining tests, will provide invaluable assistance in this. Step by step, the author reveals the secrets of effective communication with the outside world, not only in business, but also in personal life.

The book is intended for a wide audience.

On our website about books lifeinbooks.net you can download for free without registration or read online the book “The Power of Persuasion. The art of influencing people" by James Borg in epub, fb2, txt, rtf, pdf formats for iPad, iPhone, Android and Kindle. The book will give you a lot of pleasant moments and real pleasure from reading. You can buy the full version from our partner. Also, here you will find the latest news from the literary world, learn the biography of your favorite authors. For beginning writers, there is a separate section with useful tips and tricks, interesting articles, thanks to which you yourself can try your hand at literary crafts.

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